Well I know I’m really behind on blogging about last week but let me say I’m glad last week is last week.
I’m finally feeling better from my episode of the flu and Thank God for that because boy did I feel awful. Monday night my mom had to take my dad to the ER because he was having chest pain again and after being stuck in the ER most of the evening they finally admitted him around midnight and did a arteriogram on Tuesday afternoon. Two areas in the bypass were blocked and had to have stints put in.
Tuesday night my Sunday school teacher and friend Leigh Anne came over for some much needed talk time for me regarding my current situation with Shaun. She gave me a couple of things to pray about and said that she prayed God would show me the answer and peace I was looking for. I know many of you as well as my family doesn’t understand why I can’t just move forward but it’s almost like I have been stuck in this nightmare for the last 2 years and I don’t know how to get out. I have prayed over the last week that if Shaun was truly going to change and if I should be trying to do whatever possible to save this marriage for whatever reason I would see him changing and see his “best side” right now but all I continue to get from him when I ask him will he ever except fault in this failed marriage I get some crazy respond about something I have supposedly done or lied about and the finger pointed at me not to mention I was told he already asked a girl out…Seriously???? And he really wants me to believe the email saying how much he loves and miss me and Kason. Needless to say I’m dusting off my sandals and moving on. How you may ask I’m not for sure yet but I will get back to you on it…lol.
Wednesday my dad came home from the hospital and Thursday night we meet Lindsey at O’Charley’s for dinner. Friday of course was not a good day for me at all. Most everyone knows I have been having some problems at work and for that I want get into great details about. Needless to say Friday afternoon was not a good day for me at work and over all I was beside myself with all current situations in my life. I really felt like Friday they were already getting my padded room ready at St. Vincent’s are at least that’s what my chest felt like. I went home and laid down for awhile and then decided to go meet Lindsey for dinner at Stix thinking it would make me feel better but after taking 3 bites of my food I realized maybe it wasn’t such a good idea and that I really should have stayed home. I had to bail on her for the night because I knew my body was telling me go home. I spent much of Friday night and Saturday in the bed until my parents came over for what I called my first “intervention”. It was pretty much them telling me how worried they are about me getting into a deeper state of depression and that we MUST figure out a way to get through this because obviously I am driving them crazy as well. I have decided to do counseling with my childhood pastor which I must admit I am quite nervous about but I know it will be really good for me because I have to figure out what it is that is keeping me from moving forward and excepting all this change in my life. Once my parents left Saturday afternoon I decided it was time to get up and do some things around the house and then I settled in for the night on the couch and watched New Moon and Law Abiding Citizen. Sunday I was up and ready for Sunday school and church and then ran some errands before Kason came home for the evening.
Part of my healing / moving forward process I have started my diet as of yesterday to lose 20 lbs. I absolutely hate to diet and it has been something that I have never really had to deal with because for most of my life I have been pretty fit and well figured but over a period of time I have become what I call myself as a stress eater and have added 20 lbs that I’m not so happy with.
Tonight is my first night of counseling and I’m very nervous about it but I know I have to get myself back on track not only for myself but most importantly for Kason.
Please pray that I allow the Lord to heal my heart and regain the relationship I once had with him.
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